When Self-pity Catches You

All, at some point, we have felt victims of circumstances. Everything is going wrong, the world seems to be against you and you are not moving forward. When this happens, perhaps, it is because you have fallen into the networks of self-pity.

Self-pity is nothing more than feeling sorry for yourself. A state in which you wallow in what has made you feel so bad. The worst thing is that we just do this and we cannot overcome the circumstances.

In this way, situations begin to subdue us. We do not stand up to them, but we allow them to do us more and more harm.

Self-pity and the role of victim

Since we were little we have learned to feel sorry for ourselves, because when have you been taught to solve problems effectively? Probably never.

We still continue to face situations without techniques to cope with them, so everything is always a continuous trial and error.

But how does the role of victim develop? Surely, at some point, you have identified with some of the following points :

• Being vulnerable and dependent : from childhood we depend on our parents and, depending on our circumstances, sometimes on our partner. We learned to leave our happiness in the hands of others, and this has made us vulnerable and victims.

• Contexts where they felt sorry for us : if they told you as a child “oh, poor thing”, “what happens to you is so unfair”, “something bad always happens to you”, this could have created that you also do it to yourself when you are an adult.
• Having been actual victims : abuse, harassment or physical or psychological mistreatment may have subsequently promoted the role of victim. It has been a very big impact, a traumatic experience that will accompany you throughout your life.

Could you include a point? Suffering other types of problems in childhood, such as an unstable family structure, can also influence our self-compassion. As we can see, what happens to us as children affects us when we are adults.

The selfishness of self-pity

Regardless of what may have caused you to be a self-pitying person today, the reality is that it is unfair to others. Self-pity keeps us from thinking about others.

We just look for ourselves. We go to our problems and do not look up. There we cry, we lament, we complain …

Sometimes being self-pitying causes us not to be aware that we have made a mistake. In any type of relationship, the self-pitying person will always see himself as a victim, whether or not he is at fault.

This causes people to turn away from her, because she becomes selfish and does not accept the realities of others. Only her own point of view matters, only she matters.

You are not being aware that, perhaps, you are a victim, yes, but of yourself. You have wrapped yourself in a sea of ​​tears that you have created because, perhaps, you want to feel that way.

There are people who “like” to complain and complain about everything. A negative habit acquired thanks to the incredible benefits they get from others: attention.

Love yourself more

You have been in such a low state of self-esteem for so long that you have forgotten something very important: to love and value yourself.

You are not a victim of circumstances, nothing that happens to you has come to you on purpose. Sometimes we make mistakes and everything goes wrong, it’s normal! However,  mistakes allow us to learn.

Other times, things just happen. An illness, financial problems, being fired from work … There are circumstances that we cannot control. This does not mean that we are victims, because being a victim is how I want to feel.

You can change your status, if you want. You just have to be brave, stand up to the problem that plagues you, and face it! You are afraid and feel like a victim, pity yourself, it is much simpler, but also more cowardly.

Has it ever bothered you that they felt sorry for you? So ask yourself why you don’t mind feeling sorry for yourself. You have in your hands the power to walk forward, but you remain anchored in limbo.

Grow by getting rid of self-pity. Sometimes we are not victims of anything or anyone, just ourselves.