How To Cope With A Miscarriage
There are many variables behind a miscarriage and many you cannot control or be responsible for. It is normal that you feel guilty, many emotions surface, which in time will be overcome.
Pregnancy is a physical and emotional process that generates a lot of expectations. An abrupt and unexpected termination of pregnancy brings with it a series of emotional reactions and questions that may never have an accurate answer, but are approximate and necessary to cope with a miscarriage.
A miscarriage usually occurs during the first trimester of pregnancy. There are doctors who assure that 80% of the losses they have treated do not reach 12 weeks of gestation. It is also common in gilts.
The triggers for a miscarriage are many. Age, urinary tract infections, chromosomal abnormalities, polycystic ovaries, untreated diabetes, lupus, untreated kidney and thyroid problems, hypertension, drug use, smoking, or alcoholism are elements that can cause a miscarriage.
Family support to cope with a miscarriage
This process of dismantling the expectations that pregnancy brought with it is complex. It involves a series of emotions that mainly affects women, without neglecting their family environment. There are women who live and can cope with a miscarriage in a short time, going through their normal stages of grief.
However, there are others who have a harder time coping with a miscarriage. In the cases of women who go through several miscarriages, the situation is even more complex on an emotional level. For this, the support of family and close friends is essential to establish an emotional support system.
Talk, get closer, be present and listen to what a woman who has aborted wants to say. On these occasions it is better to listen in silence without adding more, since any bad word will generate greater feelings of sadness or frustration.
What NOT to say
Being empathetic is essential. It is about putting yourself in the place of what the woman who has lost a desired pregnancy is feeling. If you do not know how to be empathetic, because you have not lived it, only accompany with the love, respect and support that family and friends can give.
Avoid using or giving advice that adds little to the comfort a woman needs to cope with a miscarriage. Silence can be a great companion in a difficult time like this. Among what you should NOT say to those who have suffered an interruption of their pregnancy are:
- Relax, you can have another.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- You couldn’t do anything.
- It had to be like this.
- You will get pregnant again.
- This was not the time to have it.
Losing a desired pregnancy is painful. The least the woman who has had an abortion needs is for her loved ones to minimize or devalue what she is experiencing, or to believe that this lost pregnancy is replaced by one that will come.
Your loved ones should respect you even if the woman wants to be alone. This does not mean abandoning it at the point where the pain turns into an unmanageable depression. It is about letting her live her pain but being close enough to give the necessary support when the woman asks for a helping hand.
For man there is also loss
The support we can provide when there is a loss of pregnancy in the family or among friends must include the couple, since abortion affects both the woman and her partner.
However, in this type of subject the emotionality of the man is usually left aside. The mother’s emotions are usually taken into account more than those of the father. This is because the emotionality of the man in front of these issues is different, but it is still important.
The father also experiences a painful process, which is rarely attended to. The father also feels the excitement and illusion of having a child and suffers a severe blow when the miscarriage happens. However, he is left with no choice but to “be strong” and support the woman.
We can help a man cope with his loss, accepting his pain and helping him express what he feels. There are many men who find it difficult to express their emotions because they were not educated to do so. As you support your partner, you will also need someone to lend you a shoulder to mourn your sadness.
Miscarriage: a painful silence
Abortion brings with it a series of social silences. Women who undergo abortions often feel guilty in some way for having lost the baby. Even without having the exact confirmation of what was the cause that caused it.
This is accompanied by social or religious beliefs that may associate spontaneous abortion with the woman’s previous life. One way or another, the person is judged for a fact that escaped their will. That is why many women hide a miscarriage and mourn in silence.
When you experience a miscarriage, the most important thing is not to blame yourself. Loss creates pain that must be felt and accepted. The intensity of this pain will depend on the expectations and temperament of each woman. But blaming yourself won’t solve anything.
Getting over that pain will take time. There will be many emotions that you will experience: sadness, fear, anguish or hopelessness. Live them. Cry all the times you want to cry.
If you consider it appropriate to get away from your closest environment for a while, do so. If the dejection does not allow you to return to normality, it is important that you consider consulting with a therapist.
Together and as a couple
A miscarriage upsets the dreams built with love and enthusiasm by a couple. It is a crisis from which you can emerge stronger as a couple. Joining in the pain of loss, holding hands, will make it possible for them to overcome this intimate event and so two.
Living the process without blaming each other will help them to find hope and tranquility as soon as possible. But you have to grieve in order to cope with a miscarriage and quickly find the peace they need.
