Do We Consciously Select A Partner?

Love is an essential feeling for the human being. We are looking for and want to find a special person with whom to share life. However, we are not always happy. Have you ever wondered if we consciously select a partner?

There is no relationship that begins without joy and enthusiasm, with high and seemingly successful prospects, but even so, they don’t work out. What happen? Why don’t many relationships germinate? How do you go from a state of happiness and absolute surrender to disappointment and frustration?

We want to find the love of our life, without knowing that there are elements in our psyche that play a fundamental role in making the sentimental choice correct. Many memories move within us every time we make a decision, especially if it is a couple.

We don’t always consciously select a partner

Women who are shipwrecked in the sea of ​​misunderstanding and abandonment, men with overly demanding partners, infidelity, boredom, disappointment, jealousy … There are many reasons why couples do not work, but the main one is that we do not choose consciously.

On many occasions, we develop a kind of “selective ignorance,” a mechanism by which we refuse to acknowledge our own biases.

On a conscious level we would never recognize the requirements we have when choosing our better half. Although it sounds crazy, sometimes we select a partner with all the unconscious intention of suffering.

What factors influence when we select a partner?

A question we must always ask ourselves is: How many unconscious prejudices will be determining our choice of partner? There are a number of factors in our psyche that guide us to choose a partner and that do not always have successful results:

When we select a partner: projections of your love story

Unresolved issues with previous partners interfere with new elections. Your unconscious will not be able to distinguish who is who and you will react in the same way, even if what is happening is not the same situation.

Your relationship with your parents

If you had a very good relationship with your mother, you may be looking for a woman who looks like her. If your father was an idol for you, your partner will have the same characteristics.

Obviously, it is not something we are deliberately looking for. However, if you look at your case or that of others, you will be able to observe these similarities.

The relationship your parents had

How your parents treated each other will also influence your choice of partner. If there was immense love and loyalty, you may choose to repeat the pattern. If you got divorced without rebuilding your life, it may be difficult for you to maintain a long-term relationship.

Low self-esteem

Bad self-worth and love don’t get along very well. Why? Because many times we do not start dating someone because we want to, but because of the need for acceptance and we fall into emotional dependence.

Many relationships do not work because some people prefer to be tied by fear of loneliness than by love itself.

Social influence

In the environment that surrounds us, being alone is not frowned upon. Social pressure makes us seek not to be alone to avoid judgment. All of this ends up causing us to rush.

Master your unconscious

The solution to get out of toxic relationships that seem to repeat themselves over and over again is to dominate your unconscious and select your partner consciously. Find out what you want and what your limits are.

Use your brain in a more privileged way and manage your relationships more effectively. There are some important requirements:

• Taking time to get to know the other person: The chemistry of falling in love can make us believe that our partner is the ideal person. Giving enough time will allow us to evaluate if it really is what we want.
• Have your own life project: Love towards another person implies loving oneself and, therefore, is maintaining our personal goals. It is about sharing paths and not leaving ours aside.
• Sharing values: Ask yourself what values ​​are most important to you. Can you imagine being with someone who does not have them? We can see values ​​through the actions of other people, whenever we decide to observe reality.

The ideal is to share the path of life with someone who walks with you. When we ask ourselves why we always end up with people who make us suffer, the answer is in us, because we do not always consciously select a partner.